jackrussell8888
4 Posts
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A burglar broke into a home and was looking around. He heard a soft
voice say, "Jesus is watching you". Thinking it was just his
imagination, he continued his search. Again the voice said "Jesus
is watching you". He turned his flashlight around and saw a parrot
in a cage.
He asked the parrot if he was the one talking and the parrot said,
"yes."
He asked the parrot what his name was and the parrot said,
"Moses."
The burglar asked, "what kind of people would name a parrot
Moses?"
The parrot said, "the same kind of people who would name their pit
bull Jesus".
====
Little Billy came home from school to see the family's pet rooster
dead in the front yard. Rigor Mortis had set in and it was flat on
its back with its legs in the air. When his Dad came home Billy
said, "Dad our rooster is dead and his legs are sticking in the
air. Why are his legs sticking in the air?"
His father thinking quickly said, "Son, that's so God can reach
down from the clouds and lift the rooster straight up to
heaven."
"Gee Dad that's great," said little Billy. A few days later, when
Dad came home from work, Billy rushed out to meet him yelling,
"Dad, Dad we almost lost Mom today!"
"What do you mean?" said Dad.
"Well Dad, I got home from school early today and went up to your
bedroom and there was Mom flat on her back with her legs in the air
screaming, "Jesus". If it hadn't of been for Uncle George holding
her down we'd have lost her for sure!"
====
A Sunday School teacher of preschoolers told her students that she
wanted each of them to have learned one fact about Jesus by the
next Sunday. The following week she asked each child in turn what
he or she had learned.
Susie said, "He was born in a manger."
Bobby said, "He threw the money changers out of the temple."
Little Johnny said, "He has a red pickup truck but he doesn't know
how to drive it."
Curious, the teacher asked, "And where did you learn that,
Johnny?"
"From my Daddy," said Johnny. "Yesterday we were driving down the
highway, and this red pickup truck pulled out in front of us and
Daddy yelled at him, 'Jesus Christ! Why don't you learn how to
drive?'"
====
The Pope arrives in heaven, where St. Peter awaites him. St. Peter
asks who he is.
The Pope: "I am the pope."
St. Peter: "Who? There's no such name in my book."
The Pope: "I'm the representative of God on Earth."
St.Peter: "Does God have a representative? He didn't tell me
..."
The Pope: "But I am the leader of the Catholic Church ..."
St. Peter: "The Catholic church ... Never heard of it ... Wait,
I'll check with the boss."
St. Peter walks away through Heaven's Gate to talk with God.
St. Peter: "There's a dude standing outside who claims he's your
representative on earth."
God: "I don't have a representative on earth, not that I know of
... Wait, I'll ask Jesus." (yells for Jesus)
Jesus: "Yes father, what's up?"
God and St. Peter explain the situation.
Jesus: "Wait, I'll go outside and have a little chat with that
fellow."
Ten minutes pass and Jesus reenters the room laughing out loud.
After a few minutes St. Peter asks Jesus why he's laughing.
Jesus: "Remember that fishing club I've started 2000 years ago? It
still exists!"
===
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